Feb 1, 2012

I wish I would have a real tragic love affair and get so bummed out that I'd just quit my job and become a bum for a few years, because I was thinking about doing that anyway.

Jan 17, 2012

Most people don't realize that two large pieces of coral painted brown and attached to the skull with common wood screws can make a child look like a deer.

Dec 16, 2011

“If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say”

Nov 28, 2011

“You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.”

Nov 22, 2011

If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong though. It's Hambone

Oct 29, 2011

“When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.”

Sep 22, 2011

Would you moan my name... if I boinked you in heaven? Ghost hookers in the sky, next on...

Aug 21, 2011

Are fish using our oceans as their own private toilet? next on...

Jul 19, 2011

Can you teach an old dog to turn tricks? Ruff! Canine call girls, next on...

May 25, 2011

Bionic characters are all the rage.