Mine’s Bigger than Brent’s

Statistically speaking there is a 100% chance that between none and all of my readers have already checked out Brent’s post in which he shows the “vastness” of his gaming collection. If you haven’t read it, or if my math is flawed click here, I’ll wait.

OK, you’re back.  Well clap if you believe in Project Mayhem, because I’m throwing down the gauntlet.  Brent thinks he’s got the disease, well it’s time to prove he’s still standing on the tip of the iceberg; still one straw short of a camel fracture.  So, beloved space monkeys- if you’ve got a ridiculous collection/game room of your own let the world know.  Post your own blog entry under the title “Mine’s Bigger than Brent’s” for all the world to see.  Then, re-post this challenge to every blog and forum you’re on.

Now, as for my collection?  Come watch me shake my disease.

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A Call to Arms, Will it Pick Up or Just Hit Ignore?

Crappy title aside, I’ve had a maddeningly frustrating day of pseudo-work and have decided to bring project mayhem out of retirement for one last run in order to vent my frustrations about life- and this one doesn’t involve blowing up a museum. (more…)

Project Mayhem, Half-assed Baseball Metaphors, and Dethtron Probably Makes Fun of Your Country

Where to begin?

I was really excited about starting project mayhem a few weeks ago.  I really thought that it was going to be a smash hit and rival FNIF for ill-conceived things I’ve done that randomly turn out to be popular.  How wrong I was.

To begin with here’s a quick primer on baseball so that you understand what’s about to happen.  This is for those of you who live in not-America ad are as confused by baseball as I am by Cricket or that weird Aussie bowling type thing with the rubber disks or whatever the hell dumb ass sport you guys are playing in foreign right now.  In baseball when a batter is up and misses the bass, hits the ball out of bounds, or fails to swing at a “good” pitch he receives a strike.  3 strikes and you’re out.  3 outs and your team’s turn (inning) is over.  Easy enough?  Biblical, numerological significance?  Meh, who the fuck cares.

Strike 1
Project mayhem is conceived.  I send out a call for people to pose as existing BoLS contributors and apply to be a writer.  Nobody submits anything.  Turns out the application process was closed shortly after I put a hit out on BoLS.

Strike 2
I ask for people to go fuck with Zingbaby in a forum comments thread or to make up the best untrue boast they can think of to support their “credentials” in a forum.  Nothing is submitted.

Strike 3
I make one last attempt to find a foothold for the experiment, by punking project mayhem.  I asked everybody to use “boner” as a punctuation mark on Blood of Kittens.  Lots of you did and it was funny as shit, but that wasn’t my aim.  I quickly removed the actual project mayhem post and pretended to be confused by what was going on.

What was supposed to look like this:

…actually turned into THIS!

So where does that leave us?  3 strikes it’s out?  Do I have another at bat?  Do we all get hot dogs and nachos?

Hypocrite of the Week; Project Mayhem

Somebody was kind enough to send me a link to this BoLS article, so that I might witness a the trip into the depths of hell that is the comments section. 
The article itself is a pretty banal, slow news day style article.  I actually feel sort of bad for Goatboy for having to write this.  It’s a shame that somebody with some actual tactical sense and list building prowess continually gets the “let’s go check out the baby pandas at the zoo” assignments or the “vague open ended editorial to drive page views via inflammatory comments” style assignments. 

Now there’s a ton of shit  that I could pick on in the article or the comments section.  Fuck, there’s more stupidity than I could shake a stick at.  I’ll try and keep this short, though.  I’m tired and it’s noisy in my house* right now.  Anybody remember Zingbaby from FNIF, Round 17?  No?  Well here are some things that he said a few weeks ago:

“I’m not having any trouble with any list personally…

…and again for the last time, for yet another retard that can’t read – I’m not losing to those lists and that is the farthest thing from my beef… but I’m certain you have too much Pwonage$$ to understand what I’m saying here anyway”

Arrogant, pompous, boastful, aggressive, and stupid- what’s not to love?  Well that was about 3 weeks ago now.  Let’s see what his tune is this week:

“I rarely win with my army, but I always have fun… and I know I could make a more efficient list and likely win more if I wanted to. “

Well have fun being a huge fucking hypocrite.  It sucks when somebody uses your own words to make you look like an ass.  This is why Internet anonymity is stupid.  You can say just about anything you want to about yourself without the risk of being fact checked**- I created the Internet, John Holmes was my father, and I own a Caribbean Island- one of the major ones. 

With that in mind, your homework for the week is to either fuck with Zingbaby*** or make the most ludicrous boast you can think of on a forum or blog.  Send me your results along with your screen name, a picture proving you are not Tom Kiryb#, and a link to wherever the mayhem has ensued to sodoffdethtron@gmail.com .  The funniest posts will be featured here over the weekend, unless I don’t get any submissions again.

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*our handyman of dubious citizenship status is installing a garbage disposal.  Haven’t had one of these in many many years.  I’m excited.

**unless your name is stelek, of course

***Now, I am not encouraging you to go out there and post his real identity and address and then send pizzas to him or male prostitutes or anything, but if that did happen, I’d lol.

# This only applies to Kirby.  All others do not have to send in a picture unless they want to.

Project Mayhem- Post #150

Oh happy day, Dick Move is 150 posts old.  To celebrate this (un)momentous occasion, I’m adding a new (potentially) recurring series to the blog called “Project Mayhem.”
Throughout the life of Dick Move, I’ve striven (is that really a word?) to be as abrasive and belligerent as possible in everything that I do.  Well that was the goal I set out with anyway.  I feel like I have failed myself in that respect and have not created the level of entropic insanity that I’d intended to when I struck out into the blogosphere with just my bindle full of hate. 

The time has come to change that, and I need your help!  That means you- yes you!  I am officially unveiling an idea that I’ve had floating around in the back of my brain for a while: “Project Mayhem.”  The goal of project mayhem is to create havoc and fuck with the system, the man, the Borg, Victor Borge, or whatever it is that has you mad.  Yes, punk as fuck!  Here listen to this:

Great, now you’ll be in the spirit.  So what is Project Mayhem?  It’s exactly what it sounds like- mayhem.  As golden opportunities arise I will hold contests to see who can wreak the greatest amount of havoc on the establishment.  You’ll get an assignment and be expected to e-mail me the results.  I will then publish the most amusing things that come in.  Like picking fights?  Like fucking with people for no good reason?  This is your time to shine.

This week, BoLS has staged an open cattle call for new writers.  Time to make them regret that decision.  I want you to apply.  Just follow the directions from the link provided.  Then blind carbon copy (Bcc) me on your application e-mail so that I know you actually applied.  My E-mail address is sodoffdethtron@gmail.com Your only job is to make it amusing for everyone. 

You’ll get bonus points if you claim to be someone from the BoLS staff, pose as a known troll, are actually Stelek, or somehow manage to actually get hired on with a ludicrous application.  I’m sure you guys won’t disappoint and I’m looking forward to some good stuff coming in.  I’ll post the best of the best next weekend once I’ve gotten all the submissions read.

by way of example, here is my application.  I know you guys can do better, so get cracking…

Name:

Colin

-Avatar or Forum Name:

BigRead

-Location and Time Zone:

Illinois; Central

-Age:
29

-Days and Times Available to post Content:

Full Time Availability

-E-mail:

withheld for anonymity’s sake, since I used my personal E-mail

-Instant Messaging Name and Protocol (MSN, AIM, etc.):

jchrist2311 (AIM) ~that’s actually really my Aim handle, but you’re not likely to ever find me on there.

-Tell us about any previous writing experience. Do you have your own blog? Worked for a paper? If you have no previous writing or editing experience, tell us why you are perfect for this spot?

 I have a dearth of blogging experience.  You may recognize my work as editor in chief of BoLS.

-Writing a “beat” is never an easy task. What qualities do you think a “BoLS Correspondent” needs to possess?

As writer of Michael Jackson’s Hit “Beat It,”  I have plenty of experience writing beats.
A drive towards mediocrity, lax editing standards, and a penchant for making inflammatory statements to drive page views are all intrinsic to being a good BoLS correspondent.

-What sources do you generally use to get the latest news about Wargames? What RSS feeds have you subscribed to?

GW.com’s “What’s New Today” blog series and telepathic information transmitted by VALIS

-How would you typify your attitude or “style” as a writer?

Comically angry.

-Tell us why you want to be a contributor for BoLS.

I feel that as a contributing news correspondent, I would be able to bring a complete lack of journalistic integrity to the table. A string of racially, sexually, and otherwise offensive remarks from me would be sure to get page views up to record highs.

-What game systems do you play (WFB,WM,FoW)?

Warhammer 40k