Crimes Against Miniatures: Duh Duh DUHHHHHHHH

by | Feb 26, 2015

THE MON-KEIGH WILL PAY FOR THEIR INSOLENCE!!!!! >:O SEND EVERY AVAILABLE VOID STALKER AFTER THESE CRETINS!!!!!! THEY MUST PAY FOR THEIR CRIMES!!!

Now that that's out of the way, 

Hey All,

The above piece is kinda how I feel (a bit, though the Eldar would feel that a hundred fold) after 'rescuing' a bunch of miniatures via ebay. Yes, I know I was downsizing, but I sold about 150 miniatures, got around $250-275. Spent about $150 + 34 in postage to get what appeared to be someone's son/daughter's warhammer collection. Leaving out some difficulties with the seller, what was obtained (after it arrived) were largely to do with armies I have: WHFB Orcs and gobbos and Eldar.

Obtained were:

  • About 87% of the 6th edition starter set (no rules, missing the cannon, empire general, a few troops and a few orcs. Empire troops on sprue)
  • 80% of an old night gobbo regiment (10 assembled, the rest on sprue)
  •  75% of an old Eldar battleforce (falcon, vyper, 20 guardians? [haven't counted])
  • Some scenery inc some old architecture sprues.
  • Various Greenskins From Across Time And Space Itself: 2 heroquest orcs, 1 gobbo; 8 damaged space crusade orcs, 1 random metal gobbo circa 4-5th WHFB, 2 older orcs, 2 older black orcs and one, count'em one LOTR moria goblin miniature; all in dire states of disrepair
  • Rules for 5th, old catalogues/guides, templates and cardboard cutouts
  • RED WHIPPY STICKS! HAVE AT THEE! *swikt!*
Now! I knew this was gonna be a rescue job as it was a parent selling an unused collection, but the extent of 'Dafuq?' is quite large. You know when we start out as youngbloods we don't paint so good, or assemble that great. Our conversion ideas may not be the best, but at least we tried and put effort into things. Long story short, we treated our miniatures WITH RESPECT. This, sadly, does not appear to be the case.

I AM BEING LENIENT HERE AS I WAS ONCE A CRAPPY PAINTER (still better than this though) THIS IS STILL A RANT THOUGH DUE TO THE NATURE OF THIS. I AM CURRENTLY ONLY MILDLY DISGRUNTLED BUT WANT TO HIGHLIGHT ONE VERY SIMPLE THING.


Firstly, the Falcon Grav Tank: I love these models, they are one of five units that got me loving the Eldar faction in particular Biel-tan (falcons, guardians, wraithguard, wraithlords and warlocks). Understandably there should be messy paint over the vehicle as younger players don't necessarily have the luxury of airbrushes. The very least dad/mum/big bro or sis could've done was spray undercoat the thing :(

Aww?
Green paint over base plastic? Check. Frosted glued shut cockpit? Check. Gaze upon the horror of the much touted "Painter's Army" workhorse vehicle.
Aww.
Sadly the Vyper isn't that great either. Y'know how in our youth (for me, I'm entering the twilight years of youth) we get a bit "enthusiastic" about putting our miniatures together so we can sooner make pew pew noises? Well, some people think crazy glue means you go crazy in the application of it >:(

Whoever assembled this knew how the vyper was meant to go together (huzzah instruction manual, your sacrifice was not for naught) but in applying the crazy glue, the discolouration is EVERYWHERE. In addition to this, the Vyper's hull hasn't been properly affixed and the right wing (vyper's perspective) has been semi-disfigured.

I know what'll fix that gap! MOAR GLUE!
I don't know what brand of glue this is, but it's everywhere and it's fragile. Most of these pieces were snapped, despite being made of the older GW plastic and therefore more bendy. Infuriatingly is that the glue frosts up the cockpits, making it look like the vehicle is parked in a freezer, or the pilots are huffing some kind of narcotic substance. I suppose the Eldar were created from high elves after all.

Pilot! My bong has broken! Requesting we turn around for a new one!
I haven't checked the guardians but even in their unpainted state I reckon there would be Victims of...The Glue. *Duh duh duhhhhhhh*

Orcs. Big critters. Better put'em on 20mm bases to rank them up better!

What I don't get is why there's traces of the glue in the inner rim of the underhull.

How to assemble a vehicle: APPLY GLUE EVERYWHERE!!!1!!!!one!!
 And the bottom of the hull doesn't escape negligent young'un glue application.

GLUE EVEN THE BASE STEM!!!!!!!!!!!!
 Then make a half-arsed attempt at an undercoat on an orc...

Slap Chaos Black across 50% of the model? Job's a good'un boss!
For just $0.25 a day, you can help half-painted miniatures receive an undercoat and a three-colour minimum.


At least a great deal is on sprue and OOP.

Commiseration prize: OOP scenery
Obviously once stripped, repaired, rebased and painted they'll be a great addition to the armies in question it's just this: Miniature wargaming isn't the cheapest of hobbies, so it irks me to no end to see such disrespect for these game pieces. Sure, when we're new we'll make mistakes but a little care should seriously be there from the get-go.


For your viewing displeasure: Various greenskins, covered lovingly in thick paint-over-basecoat and mutilated most thoroughly. These guys will go with some mantic dwarves to make a frieze when I cast up enough blocks to make my gameboards.

THIN YOUR GODDAMN F***ING M*********ING PAINTS
No seriously, THIN THOSE F***ING PAINTS

Also: I have a container of things that need paint stripping, the space crusade orks are here because I don't know why. There's like 8 of them missing weapons and in some cases, arms. Yes, there's floaty skull and blood angel rejects in there. One was a mishap in colour scheme, the other a mishap in brand/spray paint. I swear I'm no hypocrite :P I take time to think/plan and take care, it's just that sometimes the transition from brain to mini doesn't work out.
The ever-growing "Needs paint stripping" container.
*Sigh* Ah well, time to get more dettol and acetone. At least there's nothing irrepairable, so there's more than what I paid for in miniatures here...once they've been stripped.