Yes really. This is apparently a thing. So take that as a warning before proceeding because you know me...oh, and be sure to read the red text before clicking the link before it.
Also, just to get it out of the way first, you can blame Neverness for this post. He called me Monday afternoon, handed me the molotov cocktail (so to speak) and told me to run with it on here. Dumbfounded and disbelieving at what I was reading, I looked to My Beloved Wolfy who simply said: yes. (doing so with a wicked gleam in her beautiful eyes).
Whether or not the following is an entertaining post or total crap I couldn't tell you at this point as I've written and deleted it about a dozen times now, no doubt losing some of its venom along the way, but i'd gotten way, waaay off topic, and repeatedly.
I wouldn't trust his signature consenting to anything!
 |
| From behind her screen, the DM looks around the table at her fellow gamers, all with D20s in hand: Okay, so who's on point? |
In this crummy world we all now are forced to slog thru on a daily basis, now we can't even run to hide in our imaginary gaming worlds without first reading, filling out and then signing yet another fucking consent form available for free here (yes, they're quite serious about this). What comes next character generation? Or pseudo-therapy sessions with the DM just to make sure all is good? I can assure you that you'll be hard pressed to find a DM out there with the proper schooling for this shit.
 |
| Roll for initiativ-oh wait, yeah never mind.. |
That PDF linked above has freaking safe words for fuck sake! This isn't some sort of BDSM dungeon (LINK IS NOT SAFE FOR WORK!!!!!!!!), no-just a gaming one.
Who the hell wants to play with kid-gloves on? Don't we have enough of that crap to deal with in real life? Looking back to my old RPG days, it was more like this: 'you what? That bothers you does it?' As I look around the room at who you had thought were your friends but now instead resemble a pack of grinning hyenas with blood dribbling out of their toothy grins.
In this post-PDF-cosenting gaming world, how the hell do you start these gaming sessions exactly nowadays?
Is it like this: The lights are dimmed in the living room, save one in the middle for whomever has the floor. Geeks and gamers sit in a circle, empty cans of mountain dew, Monster energy drinks and the empty bags of munchies strewn about,...slowly Rothgar' the Ogre's player stands, shuffles to the center of the room and looks about glumly (all present then speak in character):
Hi. me Rothgar.
Hi Rothgar.
I...well, Rothgar is murder hobo.
Followed by grave looks and down cast eyes from all present. Rothgar's player sits, ashamed.
Next the DM speaks: Thank you for sharing Rothgar. Who's next? How bout you Saia, mistress of the dark arts?
*****
God I can't wait, where do I sign up?
 |
| Man this is group gonna be great-wait wha? Consent forms...for-huh? I thought we were role playing? |
 |
| ...aaaaaand there we go, now that everyone's signed their consent forms, and we're clear on what's good and what's not. So, is everybody ready to roll some dice for some savage rated G combat vs. this cuddly Cthulhu here? |
So what the fuck do you want when you game? Do you want grim-dark sci-fi or fantasy? Or do you want mildly hostile yet heavily armed teddy bears? Do you want a dark, dank dungeon, or genestealer infested space hulk? Or would you rather fight in a padded, softly lit room?
 |
| This? |
News flash kids, the latter is a fucking insane asylum! Google that shit and you'll see how much fun those really are!
 |
| Or this? |
I dunno. I...I just don't know what the hell the gaming world is coming to. Here, just skip that stupid PDF and just use this instead:
 |
| Warning: if you use this the party will only make it worse for you! |