Yes that is a picture of the real Stelek aka Andrew Sutton. It is a sad day when I have to be clear about this, but for everyone that is reading the following  “rant” please take it as tougue in cheek. No one was hurt in the making of this post. No mention of Hitler or Tea Parties or other poor analogies; though I do take a swipe at hypostasis.  Why Internet you take me so seriously I will never understand.

This weekend we are finally treated to the first truly “competitive” event. All across the country the REAL “competitive” players will converge on Virginia to play in what is already billed as the greatest event in 40k history. It is so amazing that Stelek of Yes the Truth Hurts fame will be leaving his basement to part take in the glory that is sure to come. No only will fluffy bunnies be running for the hills, but everyone’s favorite Internet forum tough guys and “competitive” bloggers will have a special Friday smack down that you can listen to LIVE on the Gamers Lounge from the comfort of your own home.

Now you may be asking yourself Tastytaste are you sure this is the MOST “competitive”  40k tourney ever?

Well reader we have the testimonials to prove it! Pulled straight from the NovaOpen website.

Did I mention this is the first national tournament EVER in the US that YTTH approves of … It’s gonna be awesome.  Hope to see you there!”

Yes the Truth Hurts

With YTTH approval NovaOpen is automatically vaulted to the heights of Olympus and with the armchair god-king himself throwing down expect all casino dice to melt before his shinning omnipresence.

“You want a [truly] competitive event – as do others. GW is not going to give this you. Ever. Events like the NOVA Open stand to get more right in regards to what the competitive gamer wants than ‘Ard Boyz ever will.”

Dakkadakka forums, poster from New York

Thank you random guy from random forum for letting me know that NovaOpen is just what “competitive” gamers wants!

“Run the Nova Open, that tournament is impressing the hell out of me and I will be running a mirror of it late Summer.”

Dakkadakka forums, poster from Canada in a thread inquiring about the proper way to run a tournament

With a random Canadian endorsement how can I not believe in the fantastical nature of the NovaOpen. NovaOpen is just like how Star Wars Episode 1 lived up to all our expectation even before you entered the theater.

It is amazing that for something that is happening for the first time is already the paragon of 40k tournaments . Only the Holy Spirit could be responsible for such an anointment.

Really do I have to say anymore to convince you just how Chuck Norris kick to the face rad NovaOpen is going to be?

I mean what is better than a two-day tournament where if you lose a single game you probably don’t have chance to compete the next day.

Talk about hardcore competitive!

I hope the hotel and airline understands when you want to change your itinerary. Luckily the NovaOpen is made from ground unicorn horn and fairy farts so the raffle prizes handed out will compensate for your lack of win.

Did I mention there is open gaming on Sunday! Now you can watch from the loser tables as the greatest “competitive” player is crowned champion for all those that worship a handful of blogs, certain forums within forums, a few podcasts, and one-dimensional paradigms.

What about the missions? They also must be the “competitive” standard the world has been waiting for?

Well to become a great mission you have to take a time machine to some of the “best” things editions past. What would you bring back? Take a guess. Here is a hint… What requires a calculator and makes you think of the word denial? That is right it is Victory Points! What couldn’t be better than VPs! Nothing screamed fun times than hiding units behind a building to guarantee a victory. Or all those times I never took a Land Raider because it would put me in a 250 point hole by turn 3. Good times just like when my ancestors gave out small pox blankets.

That is not all! Did I mention table quarters are back, but this time with VPs for added spice. I wonder if NovaOpen will surprise us with echelon deployment. Here is also crossing my fingers for Alpha and Omega! Maybe strategy ratings can make a comeback?

There lies the secret to the NovaOpen: 4th edition missions = “competitive” when combined with the 5th edition rules. If only I would have thought of it first.

Now all kidding and sarcasm aside.

Mike Brandt has put a megaton of effort and sweat into this event. I hope for his sanity that it works! Everything should work out unless the all the egos attending poop on Brandt’s party. Blood of Kittens will be waiting and watching to see if Stelek can win it all (I even like his list he is using). The Friday night live cast should be pretty nerd spectacular as well. I just wished that the hype machine and the “competitive” band-wagoners would realize that “competitive” this event is not. Did I mention the Brandt’s 40k FAQ is a pretty spot– a INAT minus the bulk and retardation.

Until an event uses the basic missions (as intended) with kill points, true random game length, and random objectives I am sorry you cannot call yourself truly competitive. Besides Brandt is smart enough to make a very cool award for casual players “Renaissance Man” which if you win gets you a ticket to Vegas.

If you want to check out the missions for yourself and all associated pdfs check out these links.