“Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what is I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn’t seem quite so funny.”
Read More“I think one way the cops could make money would be to hold a murder weapons sale. Many people could really use used ice picks.”
Read More“I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he’s throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.”
Read More“Laurie got offended that I used the word “puke.” But to me, that’s what her dinner tasted like.”
Read More“Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you’re coming home his face might burn up.”
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