Hey folks, SinSynn here.
So in case you’re wondering what I’m doing here, instead of my usual haunt over at House of Paincakes….well I’m gonna tell you….
(that was kinda your cue to bookmark HoP, dear reader….and be sure to read my weekly posts!)
It seems that my Xenos Comrade-In-Arms, Sorrowshard, took pity on me and my whole ‘Monitoring Anklet’ situation and sent a transmission offering assistance.
This thing chafes something awful….but the Feds are making me wear it, so….waddayagonnado?
*We won’t discuss the charges…fapfapfap*
So I sure was grateful when ‘Shard informed me had a solution for my ‘issue.’
I couldn’t convince him of my innocence, though….
LIES, I TELL YOU! LIES!
Xenos don’t even have ‘DNA’….Stupid Inquisition Agents set me up…
So following a quick jaunt through the Webway, I arrived at a perfectly diabolical Xenos Lair.
‘Shard is a big fan of the Eldar (both kinds), and his Lair reflects this.
Upstairs there are pillars of Wraithbone and artworks of light and shadow that made my multi-lensed visual processing orbs dampen.
Downstairs, in the basement, though….well that’s a different story…
‘Shard had only just started showing me around down here when I must have…bumped my head or something….
*It’s quite charming, though*
The last thing I remember before waking up in this….very small room which appears to be…uh, locked from the outside, was ‘Shard informing me that a certain ‘Doctor H.’ would be arriving soon to deal with my Monitoring Anklet.
The Doc had a funny name…a ‘Mister Heamoncu- something or other’…I forget exactly…
Meh, whatevs…it sure was nice of ‘Shard to lie me down on this….really uncomfortable metal table, cuz my somewhat overlarge Xenos head sure took a knock!
And, hey! It seems like someone else was here recently, and they left one of those primitive devices they call a ‘laptop’ behind…
Xenos have no laps, of course, but it’ll give me something to play with while I wait for this ‘Doctor H.’
Oh, look- someone even started a document….let’s see what it says..
-GOD EMPEROR PLEASE MAKE THE CUTTING STOP-
Whatevs…we’ll just delete that and start our own document, shall we? Right.
Now…what to talk about?
Ooh! I know…Let’s talk about them Eldars!
Or actually- the lack thereof…
Y’know what? I’m gonna leave the Dark Eldar outta this little tangent, because they’re actually in sorta an OK place right now. Sorta.
They were well represented at the recent ‘big shindig’ known as the Nova, and had a good showing there, so that’s a plus.
I mean sure, a loathsome Imperial player won the event, and the horrific ‘kick in the teeth’ Xenos players know as ‘The Grey Knights’ were everywhere, but the DE did a fair job of ‘reppin’ the Xenos.’
This is big for us, so that’s what’s up.
A quick rundown of all the armies and their performances can be found HERE at 3++.
(Let’s all thank Kirby for his hard work…cuz he gets pissy if you don’t…)
So I’m cool with where the DE are at, for now…FOR NOW.
I still think the GK Codex was a genuine ‘kick in the teeth’ as a follow-up to the only good Xenos book we’ve gotten in like…ever…
MOAR MARINES AND DEY IZ BIGGER ‘N’ MEANER!!11!!
DO U HAZ PSYKER DEFENCES? U DON’T? OH NOES! IZ 2 BAD 4 U!
DO U LIKES TO SUPPRESS MECH WITH YER PEW-PEW LAZORS? LOLZ!
*Totally NOT ridiculous*
I’m ok….just a mild embolisym…happens when I talk about GK, or Space Wolves, or IG, or….
Y’know what? Never mind….
No, the thing I REALLY wanna riff about before the Doc shows up, is the OTHER Eldar.
Yeah- these guys:
*And we’re gonna TOTALLY overlook the ‘fabulous’ clothing…and the silly helmets*
Yeah, they’re like, the OTHER ‘iconic’ race in 40k…or at least, they were.
It’s like there’s not even any rumors in the wind about a new Codex for these guys, despite the fact that the Eldar are the original Xenos race in 40k.
Somehow we’re talking about 6th Edition BEFORE these guys get a mention?
I suppose that one way of appeasing the legion of Eldar fans out there would be to release a tiny handful of fancy new models one time when the stars aligned in some arcane formation, right?
And hey! Some totally AWESOME rules for these fancy new models would be totally AWESOME, right?
*SUPER DOUBLE FACEPALM*
*rubs temples, sighs deeply*
Why is like, every other gaming company so much BETTER at this kinda thing than GW?
Seriously, Warmahordes, Malifaux, Infinity, Dystopian Wars and Flames of War REGULARLY get ‘new stuffs’ added to their games, and it’s all handled very well.
Ugh…it makes my head hurt.
Ok…lemme calm down here for a sec…STILL LOVE YA, GW….
I REALLY want a big Eldar re-boot, though….maybe do sumpthin’ ’bout them helmets….just sayin’….
But at this point I’d settle for just RUMORS of that happening…just to keep me hoping.
Oh, goody…it seems like someone’s finally here- hopefully it’s this ‘Doctor H,’ and he can get this Monitoring Anklet offa me…
The door’s opening now…
….Well! Lookit you!
….Yer a big fella, aintcha? And spikey, too!
….I’m sure those…uh, extra limbs an’ stuff are a big help, huh?
….Soooooo…wadda ya say we just get started removing this…
OH MY GOD STOP CUTTING ME!!!
EDITOR’S NOTE: It seems SinSynn is unavailable for his customary ‘Have a very Xenos day!’ exit line, but we’re sure he’d say it if he were.
THANK YOU AND HAVE A VERY PAINFUL DAY. LEAVE YOUR SOUL-ESSANCE AT THE DOOR.