Las Vegas Open 2023 Drama Chronicles

Now that the Las Vegas Open 2023 is over and Covid and STD tests have been taken by many of the participants, it’s time to look back and chronicle the drama that occurred over the weekend. While there wasn’t anything as wild as previous years, there were still multiple entertaining experiences to be had.

Games Workshop arrived too early to set up for the event, but their eagerness backfired when they were crimed, mostly likely by an casino employee or one of the many feral cats at the Rio. Either way, Games Workshop had a new fully painted “Eavy Metal” Angron figure stolen. It is likely to be found at a pawn shop or dumpster nearby. Hopefully, the theft was captured on video, as James Workshop and the Blood God must be unhappy.

The next drama that occurred at the Las Vegas Open 2023 was unexpected. Typically, the LVO has a drop rate of 10-20% for events, but this year it was only 1-3% depending on the event. This resulted in many players being forced to play on subpar terrain. To make matters worse, they were instructed not to use player-placed terrain rules for unknown reasons, as the terrain provided was from Games Workshop and not Frontline Gaming. The sparse and inadequate terrain caused frustration among many players. Hopefully, Frontline Gaming will be better prepared for all possible scenarios in the future as the event continues to grow.

Thankfully, things went smoothly for a couple of days until the 6th round of the Warhammer 40k championships. The judging team stationed themselves to watch the top tables, but it was Table 1 that holds a special place. Unbeknownst to me, it seems that the Spanish player on the table was known as a cheater and a bully, just like Americans and Brits can be. While this represents a millstone in cheating equality for the Warhammer 40k global community, it also meant that the LVO would have a international temper tantrum incident.

You see, this particular Spaniard went on his own quixotic journey when he realized he was losing halfway through the game. He then began accusing his English opponent of cheating. Unfortunately for him, the LVO judging crew isn’t FIFA, and you can’t just bribe them like some Sergio Ramos neckbeard, no matter how many times you may try. So, we had three judges making sure every die roll was legitimate, and no matter how convoluted the Spaniard’s culebrones tactics were, he couldn’t change his fate.

But we’re not done yet, because even after everything was scored and settled, the convention hall was filled with the loud cries of the Spanish player as he was consoled in a teammates loving arms. This dramatic display again wouldn’t change the scores, and everyone looked on in awkward silence, bringing an already unfortunate situation to a fitting end.

Moving to the final day of the event, we experienced what seems to be becoming an epidemic at large events, where a single preventable act of decides a tournament. If you can recall, last year, one of the Games Workshop GTs was partially settled by a game of rock, paper, scissors. Fast forward to the Las Vegas Open 2023 and we had the semi-finals, where one player mysteriously found points he hadn’t scored on the score sheet, leading the other player to believe he had the game in the bag. As it turns out, psyche! After some back-and-forth, I’m not sure who decided, but the players or judges chose to do a roll-off to determine the winner.

Here is the “hilarious” video of it.

The LVO semis, ladies and gentlemen. pic.twitter.com/aEoJx6tIGz

— aow40k (@aow40k1) January 30, 2023

Honestly, I don’t have a problem with this as both players were completely relaxed about it. But, the next time someone tells you that Warhammer 40k competitive is serious business, it’s not. If Warhammer 40k wants to be taken seriously at the top levels, it needs proper scorekeeping by a judge to prevent this from happening again.

Unfortunately, this was the last of the excitement we saw from the Las Vegas Open 2023 proper, as the 40k finals had another instance of a player quitting at the end of turn 2 because they couldn’t win. This has happened at other events, and I’m not sure if it’s a player fatigue/poor sportsmanship problem or just a problem with how unpredictable the game can be. I have a theory though; if Games Workshop were to bring back a few missions with a single victory condition that can only be scored at the end of the game, a lot of people would dislike it, but it would be beneficial for the game.

Like I said, this was the last excitement for the event itself, but we have to go over the hilarious aftermath of what people are affectionately calling ‘Chessclockgate.’

In a case of “get over yourself”, we had this little gem posted on a Fronline’s Facebook page…

Sadly, the thread in which this drama took place is now gone, but at least we have how it started. (The following is complete satire and in no way to be taken seriously or as factual)

As someone who despises chess clocks, I have no sympathy for this person, but putting my feelings aside, unless this is a jewel-encrusted chess clock, who the hell is stealing it? Bold claim, Cotton. This wasn’t like taping a head back onto a dead bird for a blind kid. I did see a few players sporting Art of War jerseys who were not on the team, but trust me when I say there’s no way John Parsons is on Art of War officially. I don’t know John Parsons personally, but every time I see him, he seems either drunk, high, or both, and at this LVO, it wasn’t any different. I get it, we seem to be having a theme here of Art of War folks make poor life decisions, but regardless if John Parsons is with or not with Art of War, it wouldn’t stop him from ripping the jersey off Jack Harpster’s back and wearing it like a pelt at any moment.

Also, if you’re wondering, John Parsons’ one win wasn’t against the accuser; he lost that game too. Did he steal it? I have no idea. But John does seem like the ‘do it for the LOLs’ type, and I can see a cocaine bear situation where he did do it. But I have a feeling he would most likely just break it instead.

The bigger question is why this try-hard just needed to use a chess clock. I swear, dude, your destiny is not winning this tournament if you’re playing John Parsons past the first round. Instead, your best bet was is either feed the bear more cocaine sticks or inject Jägerbombs into his veins, because trust me, you don’t want John Parsons trying to keep time, unless you’re on the same plane as the derpy multiverse in which John Parsons’ brain functions. Though, events really need to only enforce chess clocks on undefeated players or those in the top brackets because they cause more stress than they’re worth.

There you have all the drama you might have missed from the Las Vegas Open 2023, but I leave you with this image created perhaps as a confession, one might say…