Episode 3:

Shorty after leaving the outer planet I got a communiqué from Darius, his arrival was imminent. Typhus dropped me off at the orbital station and I waited for Darius. The Iron Hands are one of the more punctual of the loyalists’ chapters. So when Darius arrived it came as no surprised. I had to put on my best Imperial face, which I almost forgot to take with me.

Darius informed me of the role I was to play on this little mission. It seems that the Iron Hands have located some Dark Age technology on a planet that is  in revolt from the Imperium. It was discovered that a traitor Imperial Guard regiment has gotten their hands on it. I could hardly contain my giddiness at the prospect of such a find. My job was to inspect the artifacts and verify their age. Darius informed me that elements of the Blood Angels and Space Wolves were in the process of bringing the planet back into the “Emperor’s Light”. Those chapters did not know of the Iron Hand plans and Darius wanted to keep it that way. All I knew was that I had to get the artifacts and not let them fall into the hands of such simpletons. I could use some help sending a message to Typhus explaining the situation. I think he was still disappointed, with not eradicating the planet we visited and said he would get back to me.

Once we reached orbit over the planet, I could see the beautiful scars and fires that raged across the surface. Using drop pods we made planet fall around dawn. I am not used to waking up at Astartes time, having not been forced to for millennium. Darius was the first out of the pods riding on his uniquely crafted bike. A servo harness was attached to the bike so Darius could use his hands freely, Darius employed a rare device known as a conversion beamer, trearing apart matter in spectacular fashion.

Darius’s intel had located the command camp of the traitor forces that possessed the artifacts. The battle that insued was fast and furious or was that the furious and fast. I programed my servo eye to take images of the battle, here are a few.


Nothing says entertaining like watching mere mortals climb over metal behomiths with no hope of victory.


Sorry about all the Titans in the background they can be quite distracting.


This was Darius taking up a “Tactical” position.


It is amusing to see how new converts think the Gods of Chaos actual care about banners to their glory.

Darius and his men took care of the renegades and acquired the artifacts for my perusal. In the first of constant annoyances, we were ambushed by Eldar pirates just as the artifacts were to be handed over to me. Eldar pirates have a special ability to show up just when you about to accomplish something. Having traded with them a few times; I finally stopped doing dealings with them, they always have damaged or beaten specimens that died before I can finish any experiments. Once Darius regrouped, he took control of the battle forcing them to retreat from the battlefield before they were broken.


You can imagine the outcome…


Another case of small things not being able to do anything to big things.


I really cannot remember when this was all I know it was bloody.

After the pirates were forced to leave, I thought I might be able to get a look at my prizes. That was not to happen. Space Wolves became aware of our presence and wanted to meet with Darius. The Iron Hands are known for their secrets and close ties to the Machine God but, they are still loyalists and have an overgrown sense of protocol and honor when dealing with their brothers. I had to figure out a way to get these artifacts away from them. I knew it could involve begging, which I am not very good at.

As for the meeting of the Astartes, Darius was able to convince his brothers that the Iron Hands should take the artifacts. The only thing the Sons of Fenris asked in return was a feast. I am not sure if Darius knew what Space Wolf  feasting included…


This is me trying to get out of the way of Space Wolve bull rush on some unspecting Iron Hands.


The Sons of Fenris sure love their battle cries, even when they are the only ones that understand what they are saying.


You have to give the Sons of Fenris credit for their enthusiasm in honor of their Corpse God.

By the next morning I finally thought I was going to get some alone time with the artifacts, once again it was not to happen. No quickly had the Space Wolves left had the Blood Angels showed up. I often say that the False Emperor must of put some female chromosomes in creating Sanguinius for his children, seem to always be on some sort of monthly cycle.


Their was quite  a bit of tension as they approached.

P9050186They were ready to attack.

Then Darius went right up to their leader and they embraced, at which point I almost wretched over  both of them. I was starting to get really tired of the Astartes and I was thinking of turning them all into shambling masses on the spot. Luckily, I am not into the idea of suicide even though I wonder how long it would take for them to notice. Darius made me take group shots of the Blood Angels; I will only torture you with the one of them.


It was at this point that Typhus was in his full pouty glory, telling me I was on my own. If there was going to be any hope that I was going to get away with these artifacts I needed a diversion. It was then that I remembered something Lemartes said: “Cluster Fuck”. I quickly sent word to the cultist forces on the planet giving our exact location.

It was when we were making our way to a loyal Imperial city when the cultists struck. One group was a large mutant force and the other was a recent joiner to the cause.

P9050195I could of sworn this species of human was extinct

P9050194I have noticed more of a reliance on armor then troops by this paticular planet.

P9050193It is amazing when you have mulitple arms how fast you can build battlements.

I convinced Darius that the artifacts were more important than risking losing them at the hands of such filth. He gave me a Rhino and a mere five Astartes escort through the battle zone.

It was not until I had drained the life out of the second Astartes that the others noticed what was going on. As I brought the Rod of Torment to bare I could see one of the victims try to send a message to Darius. I told him that it was too late. It is one of the rarest sights in the Universe, fear on the face of an Astartes. It has always been my specialty to bring fear to the surface and these fools were no different. I took the few moments to extract any genetic material I thought would be of some use, and then I took control of the stalled Rhino and sped off to safety. I was relieved to be finally away from my blind brothers, it was hard to keep my rage untapped for so long. Now it was time to see just what these mystery artifacts were all about…