Hey guys, Jive Professor here! So the new Fantasy rules are out, your beloved block troops are seeing more use. But something is missing. They still seem to be dying – a lot. They’re getting cut down and you just don’t know how to keep that from happening. The solution?

Hire a babysitter!

But beware of the Sunday-morning mutiny.

Yes, 8th edition has heralded the return of choppy heroes. Now that raw number of casters does not equal raw power/dispell dice, % caps in place of slots, and more lenient Make Way! rules, cheap choppy heroes are the name of the game.

Now, before you go running off and buying half a dozen hero figs and thinking they’ll win the entire game for you, think things through. Everyone will have choppy heroes now leading their blocks. If they don’t, then you’ve tipped the scales in your favor and will generally win most fights until they wise up and start bringing them too.

But eventually they will stop being stupid and bring some along for the ride.

So what you need to start considering is how to equip your babysitters. List of emergency phone numbers on the fridge, leftover pizza, and cable TV are all good places to start, but we need to get more technical. I think that as 8th begins to shape up, we’re going to see the rise of two very distinct choppy heroes. When hiring your babysitter, consider both of these fine specimens, and keep them in mind if you choose another –

Cheapsters McGee and Cocksure Prick.
Cheapsters McGee
Cheapsters McGee in John Q Public.

Dude’s got a job, 2.5 kids (he couldn’t afford the other half a kid, not in THIS ECONOMY BRAH!), minivan, white picket fence, and a secret porn collection full of horrifying niche fetishes that would break a lesser man’s sanity in twain just to look upon it.

What are those shemale midgets going to do with a bunch of underage donkey clown doctors? OH MY GOD N-

At the end of the day though, Cheapsters McGee is one thing – cheap! He’s probably got a 4+ or 5+ armor save and a Great Weapon and nothing else. He’s inexpensive and requires no subtlety to use. 3 or 4 high strength attacks to target enemy gibblies and try to rack up some combat res. Doesn’t put a lot of stress on your points budget and can be deployed with virtually any block to boost their abilities.

Probably going to be one of the most popular and defining character choices of 8th edition. Which will inevitably give rise to…
Cocksure Prick

If any of you have ever watched an anime then you already know this guy. The plucky hero goes on for a few minutes about how his power and the courage in his heart will ultimately allow him to prevail. But then the unthinkable happens – the villain just smirks and laughs nonchalantly!

Only in Fantasy they won’t turn into constipated space duck monster people. Probably. Maybe.

The Cocksure Prick will be all about giving characters like Cheapsters McGee the boot. Armed with a decent bit of equipment, probably 25 points worth or even closer to his 50 point cap, Cocksure Prick will be designed to strike at Initiative or faster and assassinate Cheapsters McGee’s who will be striking Last thanks to their Great Weapons. Though he will generate less combat res for his block overall as he will lack the high strength of the GW-wielding cheapsters, he will be a prominent feature in the blockhammer arms race to come.

However, he will also be considerably more of an investment than Cheapsters McGee. More points in heroes means less army. And if he botches his assassination attempt, expect Cheapsters to repay the favor by splitting his head open like a blood-filled pinata.

The horror. The multi-colored horror.

At the end of the day, your blocks will be needing some kind of babysitter to help them break through the slog. Or to break other guys attempting to break through the slog. These two archetypes are obvious now, but as the game developments we will most likely see more and more variations on these themes, as well as entirely new builds and silly-names-that-wish-they-were-memes.

SELF-DEPRECIATING HUMOR – ENGAGE

In the end I think this is a good development for the game, as it is very Fantasy. Units of gibblies are always led by courageous heroes and vile villains who battle against one another amidst the carnage. This a beloved staple of the genre. It’s good to see it play out on the tabletop in a likewise fashion. So prepare your father’s armor, deliver a stirring soliloquy, and close your helm with a totally wicked sense of finality.

Onward, BoKers – to glory!