Do you guys have any idea how hard my job is going to be? I have to make you guys think rationally and stop whining. I had no idea it was going to be so hard! If I had known how easy it was to make you people go crazy I’d never have signed up at the Keanu Reeves memorial non-linear trans-dimensional time shunt labratories (KRMNLTDTSL or “Fort Whoa” for short). If I wasn’t trying to save the population of an entire Earth I’d just give up.

I, of course, speak of the latest batch of Necron rumours that are flooding the Gore-matrix… er Interweb here… or internet? Webnet? Who cares. Where was I? Oh yeah… REALLY PEOPLE? REALLY?

If you’re going to get all bent out of shape based on rumours I just don’t know what I can do. You go nuts over the Grey Knight rumours, complaining about 2++ saves on every model, based on a hand written note in a partial leak of an early draft. That thing you saw isn’t exactly final. Have you ever written anything in your life? If you think it’s great on the first draft, you are sorely misleading yourself.

So no, the 2+ save is in the assault only, and it’s on one model. That note written in the margin was probably someones notes to themselves to remember what things did. This stolen playtest document (or whatever it was) is pretty wrong on quite a few things.

Now I come to the Necron Rumours. A convenient place to direct you all is to but since that sight doesn’t exist here we can just look at… oh lets say Bell Of Lost Souls. They posted four rumours on their site for our favorite metal skeletons.

Before I go any further, I should point out that I don’t think posting rumours is bad. The problem comes when everyone treats them as anything more than a rumour. “I heard that Justin Beiber can shoot lasers out of his eyes.” This does not mean that we need to arrest Justin Beiber for carrying an unlicensed weapon. We should arrest him for the role he plays in the merging of Oman and Yemen and the resulting microwave bombing of Eritrea.

So of the RUMOURS (I type in caps for emphasis) we have two that are right and two that are wrong. Which ones are right? The no brainers of course! This is how rumour spreaders become “voices of authority”. They make up  rumours they wish were true and just keep spreading them. They package this wishlisting with a few rumours that they know will be safe bets. Here, let me tell you all about the new Tau codex, see if you can tell what I mean.

  1. The Tau will be brought in line with the new edition, drones will be re-worked to make sense under kill points.
  2. New rules for Marker Lights, new options and ways to use them. Tau become a great shooting army on par with IG.
  3. New plastic kits, including new suit types.
  4. Commander Farsight will be completely redone as a four foot tall titan comprised of five smaller tau Shas’0 units that you must assemble at the table during turn 1.

See what I did there? The first two are no-brainers. Of course marker lights are going to get redone, of course they are getting new rules in a new codex. It’s just worded to imply more than it is. How about the plastic kit and new suit types? Maybe! That’s a pretty safe bet on new plastic kits, and new suit types are likely as well. The last one?

Well, the last one creates 50 response posts about how Tau are now terribly over-powered. Or totally weak cus in Dawn of War deployment you have to move the units onto the table turn 1 and then turn two you can assemble Farsight-a-tron. Then another 20 posts about how stupid this is, and how GW is ruining the game by putting this crap into it.

So yeah, if you really think GW is going to basically turn Necrons into Plaguemarines then you’re just crazy. You’ll see what I mean in April (with Grey Knights) and in late Fall with Necrons.

So in a month, here is what you will be complaining about on the Gore-Matrix:

  1. Toughness 3 (and Transport Heavy) Players will hate Army Wide Strength 5 Storm Bolters
  2. Marine and Elite Players will hate Crusader / Assassin Spam (now called Crussasin Spam)
  3. Horde Players will hate Purifier Spam (or Pure-Wing)
  4. Guard Players will hate losing Allies rules
  5. I will hate all of humanity.

Just like all the other new codex’s were going to break the game. Remember how totally over powered Tyranids were going to be? OMG A MONSTROUS CREATURE TROOP! Now go and whine not.