The Gavin Newsom of Warhammer 40k

Editor’s note:

Everyone is a twat, some twats do things for attention, other do things for clicks, and some twats run a 40k event during a pandemic thinking it is a good idea. In the end, for those that don’t know the title of this article is a reference to a certain governor of California, who while “mostly” said and enforced the right things, decided he would break all the things, just to eat and drink overpriced French cuisine and become one of the biggest hypocrites imagable. The following is the bottom barrel Warhammer 40k version of the same story…

You may or may have not noticed, but we have a raging pandemic going on in the United States, while things might be turning the corner, we have never had these many cases or deaths happening right now. So under these conditions, we still have shops and TOs who think it is good idea to run Warhammer 40k tournaments. As well, we have players who feel the need to, say travel 11 hours from one desolate hellscape to the next the next in order to play Warhammer 40k for the all important ITC points. We then have websites who feel the need to complete the circle, by shitting on the whole everything because you know, righteousness and pageviews. 

You can find all this one article at the Warhammer cartoon character site: Goonhammer.

Now that you have read the article, time to get into this triptych masterpiece of syphilitic hypocrisy; an opus to all that is stupid about Warhammer 40k in the time of Covid. It all started with someone being very, very mad trying to catch Covid and win a best in faction for the ITC 2020, while taking his wife and friends along for the viral Russian roulette ride. Traveling across the great plains he found himself at an event that was “advertised” as a safe refuge from the rona, where all bubblegum dice dreams of Warhammer 40k GTs and good player hygiene would be found. Little did he know, but the event packed the players in, and used the novel honor system for masks and social distancing.

This lead to the type of soul searching that makes you question life decisions, like should I ask about those noises I hear behind the curtain at the Furry convention, and why am I at a Furry convention again? Instead though, I decide it is time fulfill the my dreams and become a busted two-bit Peter Finch, and rail against the system, as I let slip the crushed LaCroix from my hands in the hard Wichita rain. So while I put together just how I am going to expose this event for the whole world to see, I have to first do some maskless wine tasting (which he really did) and participate in a few more virus adventure buffets, to condense my rage into a manageable scurrilous amount, along pictures and a healthy does of vagaries.  Also, forget the whole history where I been begging the ITC to cancel the season for months, because I don’t have any self control. At the very least, I can say I talked to the manager first!

Basically, what we got here is some major pharisaism, and while the core of his story could be a teachable moment, you need the right messenger. Especially, when the messenger sounds more like a highschool girl complaining about her best friend losing 10 pounds to mono. Did you also realize you were not getting a Best in Faction, so you dropped and cried in the most throw away year in the history of competitive Warhammer 40k?

Still, the author is just one part of this Midsommar dance for the clueless. Part II, is the event itself and the organizers, because even if 20% of what the author said is true (from the pics it looks like more than 20%), then we got some Cahulawassee river canoe trips to go on. I don’t care if your state or county thinks people can be as close to each other as the corn in the fields, as a business owner you have some responsibility; if say the author got Covid, and had say a more malicious libel intent, it could have been quite the doo-doo train to bankruptcy. It is really simple, don’t run a damn 40k GT in a pandemic, you actually think you are going to make enough from running it to cover the costs and hassle? Well I guess if the six feet apart thing isn’t your thing or masking either, then maybe you think Tide Pod challenges are also good for you.

Throwing on top this layer cake are the 40k player who throw caution to the wind. Running a covid event is like a beacon for the ITC point thirsty or the rona couldn’t possible kill my grandma crowd. These players, might not be the best arbiters for following safe covid protocols. At the very least an event should be smart, understand people travel for GTs and make sure to enforce the basics, otherwise this happens and you look like an idiot, even if it was an idiot who brought to people’s attention. You knew what you were getting into, and the whole woe is the small business takes, is more an exposé in laziness and cowardness. Btw the basics include not letting players personally decide to be masked or not at the table.

Then this brings us to Goonhammer, I like Goonhammer, I go there almost every day for one reason or another. BUT this is some sanctimonious scandalous shit, and as someone who knows a thing or two about the subject, it isn’t a good look for this particular site. It all reeks of opportunism, and by hiding behind walls of editor disclaimers doesn’t absolve Goonhammer. It is the kind of opportunism that is one part suivisme and another part self aggrandizement, a fulcrum of disingenuous diarrhea in italicized font. I am also going to take a leap here, and imagine a few of the cornucopia of Goonhammer authors haven’t maintained the no tournament pandemic policy you are all espousing, you know like the original author’s behavior.

So just like the TO for the event in question Goonhammer should do better. That article isn’t why people go to Goonhammer, we all just want bad hot tactic takes and news without all the cut & paste spikey ads, not a “serious” look into faux journalistic standards, because if you did have them, you would have taken down the article, but instead maybe you are enjoying all the attention. How about, write a generic article on why events during covid are a bad idea; don’t single out one event when you should go after all events, because if you really did care, certainly don’t give a mic to someone who dropped it on his foot after then peed boxed wine all over it.

Besides leave the sanctimonious scandals in more experienced hands trust me it will be much better for your image.