Submariners & the Sociopaths who Shelter Them

by | Aug 12, 2021

*Warning this rant might hold the record for most air quotes ever used in one article.

Now that it has been almost a week since the latest episode of “top player” cheating his way to infamy, it is time to share my two cents. In this edition, we have one 40k “coach” exploiting “a tactic” to gain an unfair advantage. This has become the favored pastime of “top players” everywhere, because if it isn’t written in stone, in a rule book or player pack, then why not?

Honestly, I thought we might have gotten past this, after the whole Alex vs. Tony Las Vegas Open kerfuffle of a couple of years ago. Instead, it seems the rise of the monetary incentives to be good at warhams is creating a circle of players, who use every “advantage” to win games, promoting themselves, while constantly making out with each other in cross platform reach around hype trains. We can also thank the current scoring and pairing systems amplifying this stupidity.

So this brings us to the past weekend, where Many Cheezema played in a GT where he attempted to avoid certain players/lists by manipulating the point system. Submarining (with emphasis on sub) has always been considered cheating or at the very least dirty play, but has never really been spelled out in event codes of conduct. This behavior falls under a large umbrella; from bullying your opponent for a specific score, pulling punches to score less points, slow playing just to see how other players results before you score, and the classic “talking out” the last couple turns with your opponent. I think Many Cheatma might have done all this in this one event, pretty impressive for one of the most punchable faces in Warhammer 40k. Almost as impressive as his list writing service, which consists of paying 50 quid to learn that spamming the same 3-4 units can not only win you games, but will also make you the most loathed player in your local area.

The story gets even more cloudy with the help of a semi-spinless TO who “shockingly” is also a 40k online “influencer” complete with his own set of clout chasing cuckery videos. Who vacillated between wondering if he had a punchable face or if he should punish blatant cheating, (sorry “tactic”). Well after it was pointed out that Many Cringema had telegraphed his plans even before the event, the rumor has it the organizer still had to call in help from the college of ITC TOs to find out, yes indeed he should bring down the hammer.

Anyway, what happened after more than anything demonstrates just how toxic this behavior can spread through the community. It started with Many Crookma quickly posting a vapid self defense diatribe, complete with a chicken tendies shit eating grin. In this pathetic attempt to earn some good boy points with the competitive community, he straight up didn’t hide from what he did, instead he made some feeble attempt to gaslight everyone into thinking what he did was totally normal.

It was then that a skilled team of white knight servile sycophants set about sucking each other off in attempt to Stockholm syndrome the entire episode away. Maybe it was Many Cultma’s dead eye smile that hypnotize all those onetime RTT competitive players into thinking everything was just dandy.

Thankfully, most people do see just how terrible for the game this behavior is, but the number who thought nothing of it is very disturbing. Then we go back to the TO who with good intentions, unfortunately gave Many Kookma a lifeline, by posting his own explanation. Which read like an abused apology letter, by someone who shouldn’t be apologizing. The lifeline though was talking about how scoring and pairing formats need to change to deincentivise submarinering behavior. This had Many Chinma grabbing the lotion and putting the TO in a hostage video, on how everything was just big misunderstanding, and why can’t we all be friends. All the while STILL ADMITTING TO WHAT HE DID! It was like watching a video of someone getting shot in the back while running away, only to have the shooter claim it was self defense. I do have to say that it is pretty ballsy to double down on this is what the “best” players just do.

The only thing good about this whole simping suckage is maybe we should be thankful everyone was let in on the not so secret of match fixing that goes on at many events. Many Cultma isn’t the only visible 40k player who does this constantly, I can look at the top 20 of the ITC and see many who take advantage of all the non codified rules most players take for granted. Unlike Mani Cheema, the other players who do at least try and hide it, which goes to show they know what they are doing is super sketch. Yes, it is true we should talk about how to change the incentive structure for this behavior; still if only more tournament organizers let there balls drop and disqualified folks, these players would stop doing it. Especially, if they have to continually go on apology tours, just to maintain the cultivated base of marks who buy into the idea that you have to pay for the special privilege to wash “pro” 40k players asses.

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