With the recent release of IA Doom of Mimmemmeiyyerrariea, and the fact that Grey knights take a wee bit of a nerf VS them (I’ll take what I can get), Eldar are in Vogue right now, hell I have even thought of dusting off the old serpent spam.(for ebay)

 So I must try and remain current, as my mummy likes to tell me this is number one Eldar blog on the interwebway, but I digress. A long story short I’m going to finish of the retro reviews I’m even contemplating following up with reviews of some of the Murrmmeeeerrrmmuuiiirryyyaaaa units that you may in theory see on the table. Our club is FW friendly, assuming we pulled our finger out our collective ass and were simultaniously showered with money we already would have. I really want to buy some Shadow specters but the asking price and my gigantic backlog is putting me off.

Talking of backlog, If you missed the last post  I have some nice eldar bit’s and pieces on it’s last day (ish) on Feebay, maybe you find something you like Eh? 2 blankets !! the Dragon is most certainly worth 4 Camels…. G’wan go have a look at Ali Baba’s Cave of wonders

 Today I’ll resume the Retro’s and talk about Phoenix lords for your delight and entertainment as we are now going into the HQ section from the rear *childish giggle*

 Once upon a time there was a game called second edition 40k and in that game there were Phoenix Lords and the great lord God(Win) saw that they were good.

 Mostly the models have stood the test of time and with a modern paintjob can still look  dead sexeh, In fact I worry they will perform a Teclis-fail with any new models they attempt …. They do need an update now just not one that makes them worse…. That new ‘Teclis’ model needs to be loaded into a cannon along with the sculptor and the morons who said “yeah that looks good, lets print it” and fired into the sun.

 The models may have aged Gracefully but the rules have not, to be honest they have not been good since 3rd and have ultimately grown worse with each successive edition, GW’s grim refusal to update the eldar rules from 3rd is still plaguing even New books, as Drazhar has been written in the same mold and is frankly a bit gash, his new-ness prevents him being quite as gash as his cousins in the CWE book but ultimately only a lobotomized baby seal would ever field one.

 The stats in theory are ok, If they were backed up by a good combination of rules and equipment and they really miss any of the abilities that more modern characters do that effect a unit or the army as a whole, even if they just made their given aspect scoring when they are present would be a good start.

 I’m not sure you can really justify doing more than a slight stat fiddle on a character by character basis, eg; WS8 for Jain Zhar or whatever , but as a ‘generic’ statline it is adequate, they do pale a little next to some modern characters but their base stats are ultimately not the issue, they simply cost too much and are underwhelming for what you pay, now factor in a total lack of an invulnerable save and we are well on our way to Failtown.

 In a competitive context these are complete no no’s and even from a thematic angle you are not really helping yourself as they really do nothing for the army other than hoover points you need for serpents. I stubbornly ran an Ulthwe/Maugen Ra + Reapers list for a bit because fluff wise and aesthetically it pleased me simultanously it sucked even though he is arguably one of the better choices

 They need to make their aspects scoring and give at least one significant boost to a squad they are a part of , they also need a bit more kick, thay aint exactly scary in CC and the ranged ones don’t do anything you could not do more effectively for less with the army.

 Feugan or more dragons ?….exactly , the one character with an invuln , ArseUmen pays for it by being an ineffectual girly-man who’ll fail at anything you might expect from a character that costs this much, both his ranged and cc attacks are exceptionally weak, Whats even funnier is that Yriel is better than all of them in all ways, his cock is bigger and more beautifully formed, he’s got a yacht too,  sorry guys I just don’t feel the same way about you anymore, I’m leaving …

Jain zar aint bad,  tied for second best with Feaugy, your still mad for taking a no invuln character at this price point, invariably she will loose to someone with a decent invuln, if only her furious charge was conferred to her squad, why it does not escapes me however it does give me a stabbign pain behind my right eye. 

Her  high str charge is nice and is a threat to most vehicles, though you can prob get a  squad of banshees and another one of them luvverly wave serpents for the same price.(near enough ?)

 Feaugan would actually become awesome if he gained an invuln + made his squad scoring/stubborn and gave them some sort of “must impress daddy” bonus or maybe a “daddy sez” bonus ? even confering his FnP would do, would greatly help them not blow themselves up.

 Karandras- well he’s an interesting one for sure, a heap of str 8 on the charge and he actually gives his squad something, fortuned stealth Waveserpents are lullz ;o), sadly the scorpions blow and he still suffers without an invuln/high cost, going last is kinda bad with no invuln too.

 Maugan Ra(mbo) – In the fluff this is the one to watch, go read the space map in the nid dex :oP  old Maugey is not to be trifled with, he IS the Chuck Norris of 40k, on the table ? …. well he is actually IMO the best of the bunch, that’s not saying much mind but he has a solid ranged attack that is at least a credible threat to armour and you would not exactly be in a hurry to play with his I7  str6 power weapon up close, he does both fighting and shooting quite well and is relatively cheap … I just don’t think any of them are awesome enough to represent an immortal super space elf sensei.

Looking at his rules I cannot imagine how Mr.Ra has done any of the things ascribed to him. Weirdly he is better in a wee unit of Quins with A seer and a DJ, Dakka dakka dakka “you can’t see meee lol”

 Baharroth – uhhm yeah *plunk…sound of toilet flushing* moving swiftly on…

 Ok I’ll suggest some fixes , make the unit scoring (theres a theme here) improve the grenade attack of the unit he is with and ofc an Invuln and a bit more personal damage output would be nice possibly an MC re-roll to wound sword (hawks talon). And make his gun a bit killier another shot and AP3 out to do it.

 In summation I don’t even think they do their fluff any justice, they are poor all round and if Drazhar is any indicator they are not set to improve much in the next book. You always need at least a farseer because of the stupid book design, would go as far to say you need Eldrad full stop , after that or a farseer you simply will never have the points to field one. Even at high points I would take Yriel or an Avatar or another Farseer long before even giving this sorry lot a sniff .

Personally I think they should re-do the P lords from the floor up maybe even tweak the concept, if they can’t do them justice then they may as well not bother. Other than Maugen who I fished out to paint for the Ulthwe strikeforce theme I mentioned I was digging at one point my phonix lords have not been out of storage for over 2 years.

The last time I played with them and actually wanted to repeat the experience  was 2nd edition. In the time since other characters born in 2nd edition have moved with the times and stayed good or even improved in many cases, it’s a bit of a tear jerker to see these Iconic concepts left to Languish in rules-fail limbo. They were not good when the book came out and they are significantly worse now.

Would there not be a certain poetry to them rising from these ashes to once more strike fear into the hearts of their enemies ?